Building a house is hard!

Building a house is hard!  I know you’ve heard it before.

I’m just going to lay it all out there. I told you I started this blog as a release for me. I told you I had a story to tell. It’s my story. You can read it or move on.

Not everything is warm and fuzzy and happy. Not everything is just going to be about the history of our family and this land we have chosen to make a home.

I’m struggling. I’m struggling because I don’t want to be negative. I want this to be a happy place, and show happy things, but the truth is, it’s not always happy and it’s not always positive.

I promise there will be more good than bad, but today is bad.

Building a house is hard. It’s taken a toll on me mentally and physically. It’s made me question who I am. It’s made me question all my decisions. But one thing I have not questioned is that I know there is a lesson in this. I don’t know what the lesson is, other than I’m never building another house again, but I know there is a lesson to be learned. I know one of the lessons is to teach me patience, but there is something more. I know there is and someday I will figure it out.

Now, let me be clear, this process is not hard because my husband and I not seeing eye to eye. I actually could not ask for anyone more supportive in this process. He has let me do whatever I wanted and only requested a very few things. But he has also had me handle 80% of the whole process, decision-making, drawing plans, finishing touches, communication, meeting people, etc. However, on the bad days when I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, he stepped in and took control. On the bad days, when the tears were shed, and things weren’t going well, he loaded me up and let me blow the speakers out listening to my jam music and have a cold beverage. On the bad days, he has listened to me rant and rave. And, on the very worst of days, he took the time to really look and listen to what was going on and he understood, he saw, and he assured me everything would be ok and no matter what, it could be fixed.

Building a house is hard. I have been scared to write this because I don’t want anyone to think I am not grateful for what I have. My husband and I work damn hard for what we have. I am proud of us. I am proud of what we are getting to accomplish. I am thankful that the Lord has provided for us in every single way possible to make this happen, and I thank him for what I have every single day.

I know the Lord has given this to me. I know the Lord’s hand is in all of this good and bad. I know he has a plan for me. That is part of the struggle on the bad days. I get so upset at all the things going wrong and I have to step back and remember, He is in control. He has His hand on this. He provides this for us. And though I don’t understand yet why he has put up the roadblocks we have encountered, I know in time his message will be loud and clear.

Maybe someday I’ll share more details. Maybe someday I won’t be angry, but today is not that day. For now, this is where we leave it and maybe in time you will get ……the rest of the story!